Your behavior does...

I've been thinking about this for several days, and it may get a bit rambling as I need to empty my heart. 

As Thanksgiving approaches I am trying to be more thoughtful and aware of what I am THANKFUL for and what, and who I appreciate. 

It started off about a week ago when my teenaged daughter received a Snapchat (argh, social media) from her best friend. It informed her that some other "friends" were basically "talking sh&@" behind her back. Fast forward tears, a talk about friendship, REAL friends vs CASUAL friends or acquaintances and how in "x" years she won't remember half of these people anyway. BUT, that doesn't discount her feelings. It doesn't discount  how she felt at the moment, or the next day or how I felt as her Mama and wanting to just make it better. What do you say when you see your child reduced to a puddle of tears because someone betrayed her trust and said mean things? How to you coach her on how to react or respond? 

Well, she got it out of her system and then messaged one of the friends and asked her "whats up" and they managed to talk it out. Yay!! I was so proud of her. Apologies all around and things seem ok. Maybe a win in the positive parenting column...

BUT, then similar stuff started happening around me. Someone, well actually several people, started attacking someone I really care about. For seemingly no apparent reason. Being the "Mama Bear" personality that I am, I got involved and I went too far. Yep, I admit it. I probably should have just shut up, but I didn't. I didn't ATTACK anyone, but I didn't shut up either.  I am not going to go into specifics other than to say that it caused a really upsetting weekend emotionally for me, and maybe others. 

I sat in wonder about how this crap NEVER GOES AWAY. I wanted so badly to tell my daughter that things will change when she gets older, but honestly.. THEY DON'T!  People are still mean spirited, catty and find it waaaaay to easy to go on the attack when they are sitting behind a computer screen instead of face to face. It's different than when I was in high school. We didn't have Facebook, texting or Snapchat. If you are going to insult someone, you pretty much had to say it to someone's face. Or behind their back.. 

So here's what I reflected on.. and reminded myself. I can't control anyone's behavior but my own, but I CAN control (mostly) how I react. I mean I can't control if my heart hurts but I can control if I remain "friends" with these people. So this all lead to me "unfriending" a handful of people on Facebook, unfollowing some others and reminding myself that it is not worth TRYING to be friends with people who just continue to make me feel bad intentionally or unintentionally. That's MY issue. SO, I am trying to make a conscious effort to distance myself from "toxic to me" people, to surround myself with people and things that make me happy. 

Sometimes you gotta just Mama yourself...